Paralyzed by Anxiety: Has this Ever Happened to you?
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Paralyzed by Anxiety
The heart beats. You can hear it in your ears, you can see it pounding in your chest, every time you glance down. You know it's not a heart attack, but sometimes you wish it was. At least that can be treated, but this... This paralysis, this terror, this fear, if it can be treated, the treatment is far away.
First you would have to be able to get out of the house.
Before that you would have to know where to go, to get treatment.
Before that you would have to know what questions to ask.
Before that you'd have to know who to ask.
You can do a search, if you can even type. But the searches just turn up those who prey on people like you. They know you are desperate. They know you want help. And they are willing to bet you will pay, give them your last dollar to get some relief, some help. When you don't have any money, they remind you that you are hurting your children, and ask you: "Don't you have any friends? They would help you, lend you the money..."
Don't even go there. I can't ask my friends! Then they make you feel like you are betraying your friends and family if you don't borrow the money. This adds to your anxiety, further paralysis. At this point some people will get so upset they pass out. I have never been so lucky. At least if you pass out, your breathing returns to normal, your heart beat returns to normal. Sleep is restful, rather than the nightmare plagued sleep of the night before.
Desperate for Hope
When you become desperate you will go anywhere, do anything, trying to make some sense of the day. You will rush to your e-mail hoping to find some hope, or at least something to take your mind off of your fear.
You will come here, check your adsense and Amazon earnings... No that isn't enough yet. You go to the forums and search, ever hoping there is someone in the same boat, maybe one who knows where or how to get help!
Your breathing is more rapid, "some hope, some hope", you chant in your mind, just to try to find a rhythm that will keep you from hyperventilating.
You go back and forth from e-mail to forums, just hoping there will be someone you can help. Helping someone else is good, makes it better, but no; no one needs your help, they have each other. You have junk in your e-mail.
Your Brain starts to Numb
When you woke up, you thought you would get through the day, you would write, even had ideas. By the time you finished getting coffee, and trying to face the day, a couple of phone calls from bill collectors, or insurance agencies, and now... you can't breath.
The brain is numb, you are now your fear, and nothing else. You can't think of anything but the fear.
There is no stalker, no threat, no terrorist. There is nobody here, except you! Why do you do this to yourself?
Why do I?
It is a mechanism in the brain. When you are in extraordinary circumstances, your brain seeks the escape route. It's called fight or flight reflex. Unfortunately this reflex is dependent on an actual physical threat. Your mind has perceived the threat, but your mind cannot find an escape route, because the physical threat is not real.
Pay attention here: The physical threat is not real. You are in financial dire straights. You face lawsuit, eviction, foreclosure? Repossession of goods?
These are not physical threats. You will not die. There is no knife at your throat or gun at your head. Your anxiety is in you. The foreclosure will not kill you. Spring is here, an eviction won't kill you either. Yes, it will decrease your comfort. I have lost everything more than once in my life, and I fear losing everything again, but it will not kill me. It never killed me before.
If there is a physical threat, perhaps a family member is ill, then the eviction will be postponed by court order. The power being shut off? This will not kill you. Again, if there is a physical threat, an ill family member, the shut off will be forestalled. You have to make sure that everyone is fully aware of the situation. If there is a family member who is ill, then it is up to you to make sure that everyone concerned knows this fact.
Why am I writing this?
I am in the throws of an anxiety attack right now. If you have ever had one you know how it goes.
I am a reasonable human being, and in reasoning with myself I realized, some people may not have the actual tools necessary to fight their way through the problem of the day.
You need to ask yourself:
- "What is the worst that could happen?"
- Assuming the worst happens, would anybody be physically harmed.
- If the answer is yes, will they die?
- If this answer is yes, What can be done to prevent it.
- If the answer to question 2 is no, then there is nothing to worry about.
- So assuming the worst wont result in death, what is the worst that could happen?
Is there anything you can do to prevent the worst from happening? - If there is something you can do, then do it, if not and the worst is inevitable, then there is a new list.
- How can I minimize damage.
- Where do I start rebuilding my (life, career, relationship, credit, credibility,) Fill in the blank.
- Depending on your situation, make all necessary preparations, as if the worst has already happened.
For instance, in the case of eviction, start looking for your new place, pack, sell anything you don't plan on taking with you. In this case, you are prepared for the worst, you are packed, you have some money, and you have gotten rid of unnecessary baggage. If the money was lacking, and you have it now, pay. Unpack. If, on the other hand, the eviction went through then move, you are packed, have money and found a new place.
I know this sounds oversimplified. You're the only one who can know where your anxiety comes from, and you are the only one who can tame this beast.
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It's a bad day today, I can't talk. I want to be better but it's just hard to concentrate. I know it will pass, this was an exercise to see if I could make sense. If I take myself out and make it about someone else, I can, but then it's just me and I am still paralyzed. I have to make myself breath slowly. I was supposed to take a nap, but I can't. I need to sleep, then I'll be better. I am glad at least to not be the only one. I know it is normal, everyone has these days. That is the most important thing to remember, this happens to almost everybody! It is normal. It is anxiety, and it's normal.
Anxiety can't be paralyzing. I experience it years ago for very real threats. This will pass, things will get better but it might take time. Things can be replaced even if you hate to lose them. I hope your life gets better soon.
When it happens to me I seem to run in circles...well not run but I seem to make circles. . my thinking . . my steps. . and I just step back and try to breathe. . not even sure what sets it off. . but I will return to this Hub next time it happens!!! Thumbs up Faye:)
Faybe my heart goes out to you because I know what it feels like to have anxiety attacks. They started for me after my divorce from my abusive husband and then I had open heart surgery soon after that and I remember going home after my surgery so scared because of what just happened to me and I was going to be out of work for 6 weeks. I wasnt married at the time so I felt so alone. I knew I wasnt going to be able to stay out of work that long without getting behind on the bills, cheez the hospital bills got sent to my house before I even got out the hospital. I remember they were in the mail for me when I got home. I was very scared and thats when my panic attacks started. My doctor gave me something for them and they have since decreased but if I am stressed I know exactly how you feel. Im unemployed right now and hubpages has proven to be harder than I thought it would be for a lot less money so hopefully there will be a light at the end of that tunnel for both of us. Reaching out to give you a hug. Stay strong. Cheers.
Hey Faybe, I know exactly what you mean. After twenty years in an abusive marriage, I finally left. I had had panic attacks before, but I never knew what to call it. I was isolated and alone, and had no one to turn to. When I left my ex husband, they returned, so powerful that I was incapacitated, sometimes for a whole day. Fortunately, I had a close friend who had gone through panic attacks. She was kind and helped me remember to breathe. Just breathe. My therapist suggested focusing on one item on an end table, and sometimes that helped but not always. Take care.
Namaste.
Ah, Faybe. I'm so sorry you're going through this. From the comments, I can see that you're not alone, though, and your hub is very well written. If you're still wondering if it's coherent, it is!!
I no longer suffer from paralyzing anxiety because I'm medicated to some extent. I can't take anti-anxiety meds because they're too addictive, but I do take anti-depressants which seem to do the job.
I wonder if you've been down the medication road. It's pretty crazy, but, Faybe, you're not! :)
This is excellent help and advice, Faybe. Several years ago I suffered from a minor concussion and after had daily headaches. Then one day a long, drawn out nightmare began. I was consumed with the weirdest anxiety from morning to night. I stayed with my mom during much of that times as I felt utterly helpless and full of fear. I owe my survival of that time to God and my mom. SImple things like reciting a Psalms would help get me out of the worry pattern so I could think on other things. And my mom would sometimes just hold my hand and talk about the sweetest things!
Thanks for this great hub..it is appreciated very much and i hope we all take it to heart!
Faybe, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this...yes, anxiety is very real, that's why they make anti-anxiety drugs for it but I don't recommend them. In my case it caused me to get to the point that I just don't care...someone could be standing in front of me right now with a gun to my forehead and I wouldn't care. If you're going to do it, then do it. Don't just threaten me with it - what's the point?
Anxiety is there for a reason, we have our creator to thank for it, and all we need to do is listen to it.
Just checking in on you, hope you got some sleep.
I want to thank you all for your responses. I went to the hospital once and got medication, but as Rafini says, what they gave me made me not care. I am not the type to take too much medication. I do believe there is a reason for everything, even anxiety. I wrote this because it suddenly occurred to me that there are people out there who are going through this too, and they feel desperate and alone, and they need to know it's okay, and that they are not alone.
Thank you all for stopping by to share that fact, your tools and the way we all get through it.
I hope in time others might happen by when they are in this spot and see that it's normal.
I slept, I am going to see how today goes. Thank you all for stopping by.
Yes, this happened to me once.
Went to the doctor the next day and had an ekg.
He said "Your heart's fine, it's your life that's messed up."
Can you believe that??
Good advice you give here. Thank you.
The sad part is when you get the bill for the EKG, it starts all over again! I thought I was having a real heart attack then! I know one woman who had heart surgery years ago, ended up back in the hospital after she saw the bill! I guess it's what you know. If you can find out it's okay, then you can avoid the huge hospital bill, that's got to count for something!
Thank you all for stopping by. Day by day, here.
My goodness, well first great write as usual, but I feel like Iyou wrote this hub just for me
thank you so much
so glad I came by
billY
Thank you for stopping by Billy. I wish I wrote it for someone else. I am still working my way through it. My son downloaded me some video games on the computer.
Thanks for the compliment. I am having trouble with keeping busy. I will be better soon, I got out of the house today, so that was a step.
You are not alone I suffer anxiety attacks on occassion, but have learned to relax and get away. Great read Faybe! :)
Facing it is hard, admitting it is harder, but moving... It is the inaction that is the worst, even though it has been in my best interest to act, I have been unable to do it. I am going out again today, maybe tomorrow too. I have to get into action, I know that. It doesn't make it easier, just know I have to.
I am sorry, AEvans, that you suffer too. I wrote this to make myself move, I use the tools, but I still don't move. My life could be better than it is, would be better, if I didn't get like this. I have to remember, we all have to remember, that the panic is what ruins the life, not the other way around. In other words, the life we live isn't the reason we panic, the panic controls the way we live our life.
I struggled with anxiety attacks after my dad's suicide. They were terrible. Great hub!
You did a great job in writing this hub and it probably served as a great distraction. I know all too well about anxiety attacks and how frightening they can be. Been there many times in my life as well as just recently had a few sneak up on me out of the blue.
By all the comments, I guess you know you are not alone. Take care, I'll be thinking of you. Hope things get back to normal soon.
Sage
Sage
Hi Habee, Hi Sage. Okay, I went and took care of some major problems today, and I feel better. The bank, cable company and Rent-a-center turned out great. I was out for 5 hours total, including pet food shopping at the dollar store. I hate buying cheap cat food, but it's just for a short time, and the cats don't seem to mind.
I am still not smoking, in spite of all the temptations to buy cigarettes! I still feel the nagging "what's next" but not so bad since I took care of some crucial issues! Now it's a waiting game. Better than the fear I was under the other day. I mean, now I've done all I can, so it's out of my hands. We'll see what happens.
Thank you all for your support.
woohoo!! Great job getting stuff out of the way and done and all that. Its alwys that first step thats so hard, then it turns out better then you had thought it would and then your on a roll!
Thanks Justine, still waiting for the last wave. The bank worked out, everything is back on track, but I am still "hiding out" so to speak. I applied for a job, but now they haven't decided, and I am afraid, I know it's okay to not get the job, but I hope I didn't screw it up by being nervous. Okay, I'll let that go, or I'll drive myself crazy.
Faybe, I hope this finds you having a better day. I know all too well about anxiety attacks. You are not alone, trust me. Sometimes that can be a comfort. Sometimes, you still feel alone. I have found that writing and sharing with others who truly understand helps. Remember to breathe. My therapist used to tell me this in the beginning of therapy, about one year after losing Dustin. At first I thought, what? Don't forget to breathe? But she was right. I was shallow breathing, sometimes bringing on the anxiety attack without realizing it. Deep breaths is essential, especially during these difficult times. Please know I, along with all of your other friends, am here for you. Keep talking. And please take care of yourself. Remember, one second at a time, then build up to a day at a time. If something is too overwhelming, put it over to the side for now. It's not easy but you will get through this, I know you will. As for the job interview, if it is meant to be, it will work out. Be good to yourself. Breathe!
I know what you mean, when things like this would happen to me, I saw them as spiritual attacks from the dark side. I would draw near to God, and He was always faithful, and sometimes would bring someone into my life, to help me in some way:)
At times it would be people I have just met, who in time became good friends, and such great encouragement. I felt like little by little, dealing with one surfaced thing at a time, I was being healed from the inside out:)
It took courage for you to speak out about this, I pray that you will find inner peace:) Learn to pace yourself, don't try to take on too much at one time. God Bless YOU:)
Thank you Dustinsmom, and Heart4theword. I haven't been able to write. The best I can do is read and comment. I do catch myself breathing shallow. So I will try to remember to breathe more deeply. I do get overwhelmed. Way too overwhelmed, but I am working on it. Thank you both for your kind words.
Very good hub. I also have anxiety attacts from time to time & they are exactly how you described. My former therapist gave me the same ideas you cited. But, anxiety over being evicted, not being able to pay your utilities or buy food is too much for many people to handle, but your advice should be of some help to them.
Victoria, thank you for the compliment, but in actuality the hub is really about me going through just that. I was trying to walk myself through the attack, and hopefully help others realize they are not alone. I am still working my way through, it has been quite a while, two weeks, in fact.
I have found someone who explained to me whats happening to me right now....I just joined...I am paralyzed I am so grateful to have found you...your article nailed what I am going thru...I am losing my home my only investment the family home of 52 years...my son was killed by a drunk driver 14 years ago I changed...I am not able to do anything, everything is an effort...to know I can come here and talk, understand my anxiety, and feeling of loss, I will start packig my home...Faybe Bay you opened a door to me...thank you!!!!
Jacque Sue, I am so sorry this happened to you! I am sorry I did not write sooner, I was locked away in my shell! I will write you a letter, if I can.
I know the feeling all too well. Been there and done that! It is a terrible place to be and you have obviously gotten a lot together, if I read you Hub correctly. These things happen and I think I need to keep in mind that it's not me, it's not that I'm bad. I have to know that I will get through - after all, I have done before.
I hope by now you are feeling more in control and able to cope.
Love and peace
Tony
Yes, it gets better day by day. I went through weeks of it this time, but I am writing again! YAY! It wasn't easy to get through, and I wouldn't have gotten through it all if it wasn't for some of my friends. Yes Tonymac, there is a morning after! Sometimes it is just being reminded of it that helps you through. I know at times we feel like it is our fault, but in reality I think it is a normal part of all of us. It is possibly the fear that it's not normal, that makes it seem so much worse at the time.
paralyzed by anxiety? Yes when I wake up to a day where I don't see your name or read one of your hubs!
Again, you're being more than too kind, Epigramman. I have so many ridiculous hang-ups and little mind killers going on in my head that sometimes it is impossible for me to write anything except a few comments. That is, I guess, why I like your hubs so much. You prove to me every day that less really is more. Maybe I need to try a minimal hub or two myself.
OMG Faybe Bay, this is an awesome hub. It's almost like I could go to it whenever I feel anxious and write how I feel. I see some have done that. Writing in a journal helps me. Wow. Having a 24/7 chatroom to go to would be cool. I'm ok right now. But I relate and it is necessary to make things simple, also your checklist of making sure everything is ok---looks great, I can already think of at least 2 people who would benefit. Will bookmark this one.
I have a personal opinion of why so many people are f-----ed up today. And our govt /culture doesn't help. I mean with trying to make us all worrried about terrorists....www.911mysteries.com....I'm not so sure this is legit. But God bless you and hoping you feel well today :) Regards, SG
Thanks Schoolgirl, I am in the middle of sending you an e-mail. I will use it as a draft of "the hub I never wrote" about dieting. I always write straight off the cuff, never use a draft, so maybe this will be a new experience for me, LOL.
I have been experiencing anxiety attacks since i saw my father die eight months ago, i was surprisingly ok for a while but literally one day i felt i was detached from the world, people were alien i had lost myself and started over analyzing everything, i called the ambulance on a couple of occasions not being able to get my breath and plagued by irrational suicidal impulses and fears of losing my mind, my doctor put me on citalopram and i thought i was picking up a little, i still felt detached from reality and there were days where i felt extremely upset, but i thought the worst had gone. Earlier today i just felt this huge dizzy rush from head to toe on 3 occasions, ridiculous head pains and joint pains and an unexplainable fear that i would lose my mind, It is so hard to explain, its terrifying i dont know whether to run or scream or hide...sometimes i pray for some kind of natural cause of death or to be sectioned, but neither happens. I do not want to die but dont want to live like this anymore, this wasnt me before. I am 22 and dare not leave the house and i worry when im left alone, this isnt a life and it feels as if nothing will return to normal again. My doctors are rubbish and do not seem to help, therapy theres a huge waiting list, i just dont know what to do anymore i am desperate and feel i will never reutrn to 'me' again, i am so scared, does anyone else experience any of this? thank you, Lynsey
Yes! I do! I understand and I deal with this every day! Please, if you need someone to talk to go ahead and e-mail me. There's a link on the page, where it says contact me. You can also come here and I will return comments to you here. Don't be afraid. I am almost 49 and I know exactly how you feel. I have come past the suicidal point, I have developed tools that help me cope. We can get through this together.
I have suffered from anxiety attacks my entire life, not anything specific that causes me great fear but just a sense of dread - frozen and seemingly unable to do anything about it. Doctors want to medicate but in my case that just complicated the problems. Thank you so much for addressing this, I have learned to cope, somewhat over the years but it is never easy and never just goes away. Great Hub
Thank you ChatKath! I am sorry I didn't get this comment sooner, I have been working out of town and had no internet connection where I was staying. Yes, I agree that medication works for some and not for others. I am proud of you, that you have developed coping strategies, as I have. It's never easy and never goes away, but those moments when we overcome it make us feel triumphant, just as if we had run a great marathon race... Tired, but triumphant. Keep coping!
I have recently ended an abusive controlling relationship of five years. I lost control of all my decision making abilities. I allowed my partner to send me to Ecuador and set up housekeeping. Why I allowed this to happen is not clear as of today?. This man came into my life with $5,000 and I allowed it.He had no way of paying his bills after he ran out of money. Except go through mine. He went through all my money and persuaded me to sell my business and travel. I was asleep at the wheel. What was I thinking?. Back in the states as of April 2011. My family paid for the trip. Back home I found my partner just left. With the clothes on his back and my car. He took 1,000 dollars out of our safe and left. What a jerk!. Senior women have a hard time adjusting to this kind of abuse. I am experiencing anxiety attacks that stop me in my tracks. Fast heart beats, sweating. Starting new is hard...so hard. I am learning new skills to never allow this to happen to me again. Women need to careful about men praying on them financially and be aware of their real motives. Each day is a struggle but somehow I make it. Sunday I visit a new church and hope to make friends that I really need. One day at a time. I came across this web site by pure accident. It has taught me I am not alone.
This is amazing! Do you know what I googled to get here?
"how to get out of anxiety paralysis"! Your checklist is amazing I copied it down, made a few modifications and saved it to my desktop as 'Anxiety Paralysis checklist' :)
I just get so STUCK sometimes - it's so great to be able to have that logical, rational checklist (Alongside 'What's the worst that can happen?' I added 'What is LIKELY to happen?' - as I often get paralysed when waiting for a difficult phonecall or meetings, or when I have to report back to my employer that I am behind with my work or might miss a deadline, or have a problem somewhere which is actually very trivial and the consequences slight although you wouldnt have guessed it the way I react.)
I feel like my brain gets jammed and I can't concentrate at all - I just flit absent-mindedly between Twitter, Google+, YouTube, Emails - in a sort of dazed state.
So when this happens next time I am going to reach for the checklist.
Sorry this is a bit ranty - just all poured out without a thought for grammar :)
I have saved this to my favorites. I am seriously paralyzed right now ( anxiety) about my pending forclosure of my home of 30 years. I can't think, and have suicidal thoughts. Always have suffered from anxiety, but this ( THIS) put me in shock almost! I appreciate your post here and will copy and put on my fridge your checklist. Keep em coming! And I hope you are feeling better too
Has anyone ever suffered from doing something really bad because of their past and you think and think about it way to much & stress anxiety builds up higher and higher & you can't sleep can't eat can't think chest pain bad thoughts of behavior?
&&& you also feel like doing something stupid going crazy you feel like a crazy person because you just want it to stop? Any advice on what to do i don't want medication for it i'm to young & what makes it worst i have a baby so there's just more and more stress i'm a stay at home mom too so there's just so much on my shoulder.
Dear Skye Ann, I hope you come back to check on this. I feel so bad that I didn't see these comments! First off you can call 211 anywhere in the United States to get crisis counseling. These people are not there to judge you in any way whatsoever. They are there to give you referrals to free agencies that can help.
I have done things that I beat myself up for too, here's the truth, you can't take back anything you've done, good or bad, but following up a "bad" action with another "bad" action is only going to make you feel worse in the long run, even if it makes you feel better for the moment. Let me tell you, I used to gamble to get over my anxiety of having done something "bad".
Next thing, there is NO GOOD and NO BAD. There are positive actions which may bring you positive or negative results, and Negative actions which may bring you positive or negative results. For instance, Yelling at someone is a negative action, they may yell back (negative result) or they may see your point and change (positive result). By the same token you may decide to have a friendly chat (positive action) which results in them getting defensive (negative result) or helps them change (positive result). What I am saying is, for the most part, it takes two.
I have gone CRAZY over this and it isn't worth it. No matter what you have done in your past, going sleepless and hungry will NEVER make you feel better. You owe it to yourself and your baby to put the past where it belongs, behind you. I had a good friend tell me that she believes we put ourselves in hell on earth by punishing ourselves instead of learning to forgive ourselves. So ask your self: Do I love myself enough to forgive my past and move on to a new future? AND if you answer no Do I love my child enough to forgive myself and move on to a new future? You must forgive yourself first, then you will start sleeping better, be able to eat and enjoy your baby. Remember that you owe it to that baby to be mentally healthy, that's the only way to teach your child to be mentally healthy.
Give yourself a big hug from me and every morning when you look in the mirror remember to tell yourself "I love you."
Dear Skye Ann, I hope you come back to check on this. I feel so bad that I didn't see these comments! First off you can call 211 anywhere in the United States to get crisis counseling. These people are not there to judge you in any way whatsoever. They are there to give you referrals to free agencies that can help.
I have done things that I beat myself up for too, here's the truth, you can't take back anything you've done, good or bad, but following up a "bad" action with another "bad" action is only going to make you feel worse in the long run, even if it makes you feel better for the moment. Let me tell you, I used to gamble to get over my anxiety of having done something "bad".
Next thing, there is NO GOOD and NO BAD. There are positive actions which may bring you positive or negative results, and Negative actions which may bring you positive or negative results. For instance, Yelling at someone is a negative action, they may yell back (negative result) or they may see your point and change (positive result). By the same token you may decide to have a friendly chat (positive action) which results in them getting defensive (negative result) or helps them change (positive result). What I am saying is, for the most part, it takes two.
I have gone CRAZY over this and it isn't worth it. No matter what you have done in your past, going sleepless and hungry will NEVER make you feel better. You owe it to yourself and your baby to put the past where it belongs, behind you. I had a good friend tell me that she believes we put ourselves in hell on earth by punishing ourselves instead of learning to forgive ourselves. So ask your self: Do I love myself enough to forgive my past and move on to a new future? AND if you answer no Do I love my child enough to forgive myself and move on to a new future? You must forgive yourself first, then you will start sleeping better, be able to eat and enjoy your baby. Remember that you owe it to that baby to be mentally healthy, that's the only way to teach your child to be mentally healthy.
Give yourself a big hug from me and every morning when you look in the mirror remember to tell yourself "I love you."
I am so sorry I didn't see your comment sooner. I too am worried about losing my home. Do you have an FHA loan? Call them if you do, they have some new programs that may let you stay in your home. If not try HUD, they have some great programs to help you as well.
I have been on a roller coaster, but I'm hanging in. let me know how things are going. :)
I'm so thankful for your comment. I don't know how I missed it, maybe because my mail box gets a new piece of junk mail every minute and a half, and I don't know how to stop it.
Your comment really made my day. I think even more than if I had seen this 5 weeks ago when you posted it. :)
I am so sorry that I didn't reply to you sooner. Yes, each day is a struggle. I hope your new church helps you. You can also try calling 211 if you live in the United States, they can really help and they don't judge, plus they're paid to listen, LOL. Actually I always feel so much better just having someone to help me sort it all out. They come up with great ideas and wonderful programs that can help with all sorts of problems. Please let me know how you're doing.
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Justine76 2 years ago
I've lost track of the days, I think it was last Thursday, I was bruised and cold. Numb, thinking a bath might help. I couldn't cry, my eyes hurt, my throat hurt, I couldn't get dressed. My arm was too sore. I lay in the tub, staring blankly at the drip drip drip of water leaking out of the facuet and watched it splash. My radio was on, I thought music might help me out of my fog. It sounded like a distant buzz and the words of the night before kept parading through my mind. I wanted them to stop, Ill get out of the tub, I pulled the drain and as the water slowly went down, I realized I couldn't move. I am no stranger to panic nor anxiety but this was something new. My throat felt as though it was closing, my heart was beating so fast it felt like it had stopped, and my stomach clenched. I thought I would vomit. I suddenly didn't even know if I really existed, I couldn't hear. All I could do was tremble uncontrolably and watch the water drip. I noticed my foot as if it belonged to something else and I managed to touch it. I thought "its finally happend, Ive lost my mind" at wich point I realized I could still think, so I must have NOT lost my mind. Just the ability to get out of the tub. Eventually I was able to climb out, but it took some effort. That was a bad day, and my stomach still hurts today, but it getting better. I hope you are too. Hugs.