Suicide:: Suicide Attempts:: Suicide Prevention
76Have you ever wanted to die?
I have. I've had times in my life when I wanted to disappear, die or just have never been born. I've had lots of them. Sometimes you just wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole.
A psychiatrist might say the above episodes are isolated incidents, that as long as you were able to "keep from acting on the impulse" or "were no danger to yourself or anyone else" then you are okay. For some of us, those thoughts come daily. Sometimes there are even voices in our heads egging us on, telling us that no one will miss us, no one cares...
Many of us would never even admit having such thoughts, and yet we all do. If anyone is reading this who has never had these thoughts, please correct me.
Since we have all had these thoughts, we all tend to question our own thoughts, and feelings. We may even question our own sanity. Sometimes we decide that it's just too hard to keep fighting the inevitable. I mean, we will all die, eventually anyway, so what is the big deal?
Sometimes the weight of the others around us who claim to love us and need us, is just too great a weight to bear, and we feel as though we are drowning under that weight.
Everybody Hurts
People don't understand
The reason people don't understand suicide and suicidal thoughts or tendencies is because it is one of the taboos. We must not talk about the taboos, because we might make them happen.
Cancer, Sex, Sexual Abuse, Rape, and Suicide. Lets add child abuse. All the dirty little secrets we were taught to keep by those who were abused, and those who abused us. Maybe that's the problem!
People feel alone and forlorn, they feel lost and empty, the emptiness hurts so much that they cannot even bear to speak of the pain. Huge racking sobs escape, it becomes impossible to swallow, the chest feels as if it's under a crushing weight, and then the words of the on-looker:
"What is wrong with you?"
Make us feel as if we are "wrong" and we can't ever get better, not ever.
They shoot horses don't they? If the horse has a broken leg, they shoot it, put it out of its misery.
This is what we feel.
- We feel broken beyond repair.
- We feel as if we are a burden on the rest of the world.
- We feel that our loved ones will be so much better off without us.
- We feel that even if someone cries about our death, that in the long run, we acted in their best interest.
- We feel like a disease that no one can get rid of.
- Then people treat us like that disease.
- They don't want to talk to us, or look at us...
- We look like cancer, and rape, we are death walking among the living.
- We remind you that you aren't perfect or perfectly happy either.
So, people say stupid things like "You're just trying to get attention" or "We'll take your children away, that will teach you to straighten up!" or "You know you can get arrested for attempting suicide."
Really...
You think any of that is true? No one has ever attempted suicide to get attention. The threat of jail, or taking the kids, is just funny, because if we are dead, we can't go to jail, and we won't have any kids!
I mean, seriously, do you think your threats are really going to make us "Snap out of it?" More likely these threats could push us over the edge.
Take your love away
You can threaten us, that you're going to take your love away, but that's what we want, you see? Can't you see that much? We believe that our very existence is harmful to those we love! Of course we want you to stop loving us, ASAP, PLEASE! Because if you loved us, really loved us, you would take us into your arms and try to ease our pain, and tell us that you love us, and that you can't live without us... Not hurt us, not threaten us...
You can't imagine how much pain we are in, and when you stand there "tough loving" us it makes us want to vomit!
So, you may ask yourself, what is the answer...
Can you admit your own depression to us?
Can't you admit it, can't you just say that you have been this sad too? Can't you just tell us that we are so important to you, that you would be willing to join us in our own personal hell?
Maybe you don't understand, maybe you don't know how bad it feels, but maybe you have been hurt too, maybe somewhere inside you, you remember the pain...
Can't you tap into that pain, and reach out to us, maybe the thought of losing us is so painful that you could...
Can't you try?
Suicide Prevention
Suicide prevention starts with you. You must first admit to your own shortcomings, your own sorrow, your own inner voices that make you feel incompetant.
If you cannot admit your own pain and fears, then how can you possibly understand ours.
I am not saying it's right to just give up and die, and I'm not saying it's wrong. What I am saying is that suicide is the waste of potential, and the potential each individual has for good is way too precious to waste.
You can tell us that we are beautiful and that you love us, but it won't help. You can threaten us, and tough love us, but that won't work. You can tell us to get over it, and take us to hospitals, doctors, give us drugs, and call the police, but that isn't going to fix us.
If you really want to help, you have to admit that you're broken too, and then, together, we can try to come back from the edge of our pain and insanity.
The only way to take the journey back from the edge of the cliff, is if you take our hand and say, "Yeah, sometimes I want to jump too, but I don't, because I love you."
Help
I guess I better clarify, I am not suicidal today. This doesn't mean that I haven't been or that I never will be again, just know that today I am okay. I wrote this because it's the truth. Suicide has touched us all and will continue to touch us all, if we don't get educated about it, and tell our stories, to educate others.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Get Help, at Dawneworswick.com
A Beautiful Hub Of Hope, By Pearldiver, Pleading with any who feel this pain to take heart, give it time, all pain must surely heal, given time. I know his words are true, as in my time the pain did flee from the goodness and love and hope that surrounds us all.
Gay, Thinking of Suicide: Read This First is a survivor's story, from the inside. It was written by my beloved friend here at Hub Pages, Revive@OwnRisk. I've known him for most of my time here at HP and he is probably the most understanding man you could ever want to meet. If you needed someone you could trust, you could trust this man. Unfortunately it appears that he has left HP. I looked for him elsewhere and will continue to do so, if anyone knows where he has taken his writing to, please let me know.
In the absence of my beloved friend, I have found a wonderful site that can help you. Thinking of Suicide-Read Me First is a site filled with good advice and helpful links. If I have been unable to persuade you to stay alive then perhaps this site will help. You are not alone.
Gay Bullying and Gay Teen Suicide is another excellent Hub on the subject. Please read this if you are the victim of bullying.
Dawn was kidnapped and sold as a young child, she has faced many things that you and I could never imagine. She is a good friend here at HP, you may know her as Rescueachild.
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Thank you Dawn for stopping by and supporting me here. God Bless You!
I had the times I wanted to die, mostly when I was just a child, and living in a bad situation that I was absolutely helpless to improve. I survived it--something tough in me just didn't want to give in, I guess. I think, ever after, nothing has been worse, everything, even the worst times have been better than that, so if I could get through that, I could get through anything. And, you know, so far so good.
Stay. Tough it out. What else can I say? I know the feeling, and it's awful, but it DOES pass. All bad situations are temporary. Have faith, and live on.
It's all I can say. I really do understand, but repining does no good.
Hi Paradise, I want you to know that I'm okay, this is about all of us who have ever had these feelings and tendencies! I've been toughing it out for years, and the only thing that has kept me together has been my children. The thing is that suicide is happening at an alarming rate, and we all need to know that keeping silent isn't working!
We need to admit it to each other, and then to our children, because if we don't it's just going to become a bigger problem.
Faybe Bay, it's great that you speak about this and we can discuss this topic. I think thoughts about suicide once in life everyone can has but not everyone can speak about it. Sometimes people don't know where they can find help. You did a great job!
Thank you Mioluna, so much! It is hard to talk about, but I think if we all start talking about this and other difficult subjects we can solve the problems! We need to start spreading the light!
An important hub about a very difficult subject!!
Hey Chris! It is an important subject, and one that's claiming lives every day. Someone has to speak out about this!
I had sometimes suicidal thoughts. Now I am happy, serene, and I am learning to love myself and the others in a way that I did not know before. My mood , in those difficult moments, was not of sadness: I felt empty, without emotions, without hope, without reasons to live. So, I understand the sufferings of who think to suicide.
We MUST see the beautiful in our life, and act to improve our life! Thanks for tackling a sensitive topic like this
Thank you so much Fucsia! I am so thankful that you added your voice and point of view to this hub. God Bless You! People who see so many comments of this type will be encouraged that life can be better!
Faybe Bay~ I can only begin to respond with a simple and amazed 'wow'. Suicide has been and remains a travel companion for me in this life. Surviving a pretty tough childhood, I had many of the feelings you discuss in your hub, and at times, to such an extent that i was not certain the sun would rise for me the following day.
When my spouse passed from cancer i had a very huge struggle choosing to remain behind or join my spouse in the afterlife. I imagine the reasons I remain here are that I promised not to follow and to stay here until the higher power determined my natural timing. Still it is a struggle daily, today I am okay.
I found truth and honesty, love and request within your words, each so powerful in ther own way, touching a different emotion as I drink them in.
You offer wonderful advice and give outstanding references to contact in time of need. You my dear, have done a very good thing here and I thank you.
K9
Hi K9, I am so sorry that your life has been the roller coaster ride you wrote about here. I'm glad that you are currently okay, because being okay is the best any of us can hope for most days.
As for the contacts, you know you can always count on me, too. If you ever need me, just write me! It's going to be all of us sticking together that will save us, we need to join our voices, and come out of the shadows!
Big Healing Hugs!
Faye
Thanks, Faybe, for this piece. Suicide is an issue-a taboo as you said-pushed as far away as possible by society. I respect and appreciate your writing here, and hope it speaks to those who need it.
Thanks again.
Hey Lorlie, I am hoping so too! I talked to a few people today about joining HP and telling their stories here, in hubs, to help others as well.
Hey there, I sorta skipped thru this as I need to be in a better place to read it all. ya know? I am glad to get to the end and see that today, or at last the time of writing, is a good day. And I have never not once ever considered not exisiting. Honest. I genuinely believe with all my heart and soul that if I just hang in there, it WILL get better. But that's just me. You said to let you know if I never thought it....
BUT without going into detail I have more then enough up close personal expierences with abuse, pain, neglect, and loved ones commiting or attempting suicide. This is an amazing hub with more parts I would love to quote than I can handle right now. I will be back to better reply when I can read it all.
xo
Hi DoorMattnomore! I am glad that there is someone I know who never felt this way, but as you say, this issue touches all of our lives. I have lost relatives and my children and friends have lost family members and friends to this problem. When you weigh the numbers of times a person attempts suicide before actually succeeding the numbers will astound you. I've read about people who tried and failed to make it 30 and 40 times. Some were never "caught" in the act and it wasn't found out until reading their diaries.
The point is that we all know what it is like to lose someone, and whether we can prevent that loss or not, it is our duty to try.
I love you, and I'm always here for you, no matter what!
XO
Even though this is just a topic to be discussed,as for now suicide becoming one of the short way to let all the problems away from everyone who think that this might end it for all.However they never realize that they leave a serious and deep memories that touch everyone emotion especially family,kids,husband,wives,relatives and friends.Do not think of commit suicide at all,it will hurts many people around us,remember we love and be loved not only by our loved ones!
Good topic Faybe Bay,you just made me preach much!thank you for sharing your deep thought!
Hi Sord87! You are welcome to preach and tell your feelings any time on my hubs! For me this was not just a topic for discussion as there have been times in my life that I felt this way and suicide has touched every life one way or another, whether just seeing it on the news or personally knowing the individual, or even having serious thoughts of your own. I believe that the more we bring these dark subjects into the light the more we eradicate them completely.
very informative hub. I like your writting style. Great Article :) Voted up
Hi Triosol, thank you for your compliment and for rating it up.
Faybe Bay,
I'm finally, slowly making my way back to hubpages. It's nice to see that so many that I have corresponded with are still here and are writing on very important topics. Helping to raise awareness etc.
You've done an amazing job with this hub. I as well, am one of those individuals that lived with thoughts of suicide throughout much of my life.
I never thought that I would be in a place where, it's almost hard to imagine what that was like. I am happy to have made it to the other side. But I will never ever forget how deviating those thoughts were and how long I had endured them.
Hugs,
Sage
Welcome back Sage! I will never forget how much you have helped me! I know I wouldn't be in as good of a position if it hadn't been for your counsel when I needed it. I'm better now than I can remember ever being, but my passion is to bring things into the light and if I can't expose my deepest darkest secrets then how can I expect others to do it?
I know the long battle you endured because I endured my own, and I thank God you came out to the other side, because that put you in the position to help me and many others like me.
God Bless You, Sage. and keep you safe, warm and loved.
Big Hugs,
Faye
I don't feel suicide is an option or should be for anyone unless they are 'out of their mind' and aren't aware, but I do know it happens.
I checked and we certainly are not the country with the most suicides, but our rate has gone up and yet though we are a "great country" My belief is that our families are not as close as they once were or should be? There is more stress in our society? Or maybe I'm wrong, I'm not sure. But families SHOULD be loving as you said and life SHOULDN'T be so stressful .....
Basically, I believe as a Christian we don't have the choice to end our lives just as we don't have the choice to end other's lives. But being a Christian gives me hope and strength, that I otherwise would not have, for I know that God will never give me more than I can handle, is what I believe and in my darkest moments ,which have been numerous, I have gotten spiritual comfort.
Dear Schoolgirl, I am a Christian too, but the reason I wrote this is because the problems we face in the world are due to silence. We must speak up, now more than ever! We hide all of our little secrets, I won't call them dirty, because it is only the fact that it is a secret that makes it dirty... The secret pain and fear and longing, the loneliness... People are separated not by what they say, but by what they leave unsaid. If everyone would just step up to the plate and open their mouths and proclaim their secrets, we would have no more reason to gossip, lie or cheat. There would be no blackmail, because there would be no secrets. The tabloids would go out of business, or else have to start printing something else. The Bible says "Confession is good for the soul" but it didn't mean for us to confess to a Priest, it meant for us to confess not only to the Lord, but also to each other. We were, are supposed to publicly proclaim our secrets and turn from the things that we hide, by bringing them into the light. Being a Christian and being a Good Christian are two completely different things. People think they are forgiven because they asked for it, but you can't be forgiven if you haven't confessed.
Good point. I felt that was what you were portraying :) It's good advice. thanks!
Wow.... No wonder it is a Taboo. Being 'out of your mind' is like saying that all 5'6" people are that height to fit in a cardboard box! Amazing! Faye, good on you, thanks for your email and sure use my material, though I never wrote it with the thought that it was a taboo... Now I know why people don't like discussing the subject. Well done.
It's a crazy world we're living in, and people expect us to maintain our sanity by ignoring anything that looks or feels uncomfortable. I do believe in hope, it is all there is to keep us going at the end of the day. Good on you for writing such an inspiring hub of hope.
This is a wonderful hub, Faybe. I'm so glad I read it. I'm linking your hub to mine, also. The more survivors get the word out, the more we fill the world with hope. Thank you so much for your insights and hope!
Thank you so much! I do think getting the word out is the only way to save the beautiful souls we are losing to this senseless killer of brilliant minds. Our children have the potential to create a better world, we can't afford to lose a single one.
Rated up and bookmarked!
Hi Patty! Thank you so much. I admire your writing and it feels good to know you find this worthy of a bookmark and a rate up.
I didn't write for a while after this, because I was dealing with issues with friends and family. My daughter and her best friend recently lost an old school mate to this insidious silent killer of our most precious resource, our children.
faybe,
your hub really touched me.its really intresting reading it.
all the best
choco.
no words for your great hub thanks for sharing....
Thanks Choco! and Thank you Wendy! This was probably the hardest hub I ever wrote, couldn't stop crying while I was writing it. It's probably the deepest I have ever dug to expose the inner workings of our minds. All of us have been touched and torn apart by suicide, but no one ever admits that we all have thoughts that we don't share. When I think of the loss of potential, the fact that all suicides could be prevented, and that people continually blame the person who is hurting, it just breaks my heart. If someone is hurt, we should be trying to help them feel better, healing them, not blaming them. Thank you both so much for seeing the other side of suicide.
This is a very straight forward piece of writing you have here. I've lost friends and relatives to suicide and have had friends and relatives attempt unsuccessfully. I believe you are correct in saying that it enters the minds of all of us or at least most of us at some point.
But I also have seen those whom have refused to give up. I have seen some that have made it through horrifying accidents and were given no chance for suvival only to pull out. Some of these were stangers. The one common denominator I have noticed is humans have such a strong will to live. I would never try to second guess what one is feeling. Feelings are true and real to that person.
It is sort of ironic how a society tries to intercept suicide with threats of law violation also. In the area in which I live, there are still many who will not wear a seat belt because they would rather receive a citation for not wearing one rather than go into a bayou and drown.
Great Hub!
Hi Capncrunch, you are right, a lot of people overcome great torment, great tragedies, or survive horrible accidents and disease. I think in some of those instances though, giving up may have crossed their mind at some point, but something inside them, and inner voice, made them fight and persevere. Even so, I have seen some who survived, later comment that they wish they had died. I believe that at our deepest level we are survivors, but by the same token, at our deepest level we are human, and humans need acceptance and compassion. When people we need acceptance and compassion from turn against us, that can be strong enough to make the urge to give up an extra push.
I appreciate and thank you for your comment. I've been working and haven't been able to visit as much as I'd like to. I got a lay off, and your comment on the same day. Knowing you were here, to read and comment, really took the sting out of the lay off slip.
Very well written. You make a lot of great points.
I've never been tempted to commit suicide. But I have been depressed enough to the point where I would make remarks to that effect.
Some would say that it was a "cry for help", but sometimes you just have to get those feelings out or they will build up until they are released at an inappopriate time.
And the threat of being locked up or punished for it is what really gets us in the end.
Hi NateSean! I appreciate your comment about never being tempted to commit suicide, that sometimes you just have to get those feelings out. Often that is our way of finding out what people really think of us, and is often a precursor to deeper depression. Sometimes we think that people responded well because they were afraid for us, or worse, that they just felt sorry for us. When that happens we become afraid of sharing our feelings, and that is where the downward spiral can get tricky, if in fact the idea starts to cross our minds. Most of the time, a suicide will pretend to be better, when in fact they have made the final decision and don't want anyone to have the chance to try to stop them.
I hope, with all my heart, that this meager effort on my part, to open the eyes and minds of others, will prevent someone's suicide. Knowing the truth is the only way to fight the problem. Hold onto each other, we are only human after all, and we need other humans to connect with us, in order to have the will to keep living.
Faybe Bay, thanks for writing this. I have so many friends that are suicidal, and I have never understood it. I've dealt with depression, but suicide has never been a thought in my mind. I always want to run. Disappear from everything I know, but not die.
After reading this, I see that the feelings and emotions are pretty much the same -- thinking others would be better off w/o you.
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rescueachild 20 months ago
The pain is so real that I have had times in my life where I just wanted to die. I tried and tried to kill myself by God just wouldn't let me go. Now I know why and I am so glad I stayed.