The Abused Anonymous Hub
72WARNING
This is not my usual happy go lucky hub. It about the abused for the abused. You may continue to read at your own risk. This is not entertaining in any way, it may help someone and that is why it is here.
You know me, always wanting to help others.
Lots of Love to you all.
A Story
A little girl from a large family goes next door to play house with her friend. There are three siblings there. The oldest and youngest are girls, the middle one is a boy. His parents are not home.
The little girl I will call April, is chosen to be the mother. The boy I will call Larry, plays the father, his older sibling is the babysitter and his younger gets to be the baby.
Mommy and Daddy go to the movies which involves going in the house to watch television, while the other two girls stay outside. He closes the door because they are at the movies. After conditioning April for days into believing that they are playing house the way it is supposed to be played he tells her they are going to make a baby. "Wouldn't you like a real baby, all your own to play with?"
The abuse continues for an undetermined length of time, as she thought it would just be one time and complains, he explains she must let him put all the pieces of the baby together.
It is a long time before he gets caught, but no one knows what he really did, the child is not checked for physical or mental or emotional damage.
Later, when the girl is older her sister marries and becomes pregnant. April knows that she is pregnant herself, she has been waiting, but has no idea how long it takes for the baby to come out. She has never seen a pregnant person, as she is the youngest in her family.
Seeing her sister is getting fat, April tells her. I'm supposed to be fat, I'm pregnant. April now begins to gain weight. The psychological imprint is there, she is pregnant.
Time goes by and her sister brings home a baby. April does not understand, she has been pregnant for years. The baby must have died in there. April morns the baby, hugging her swollen stomach, even as she plays with her nephew. She had wanted the baby. What little girl wouldn't want a real live baby all her own to play with. And no one would tell her what to do because she would be the mommy.
When April is ten and in fifth grade, her father dies, shortly after Thanksgiving. In the New Year, a film is shown to the girls in her class about how babies are made. Her hands clench as she watches the cartoon play out on the screen. No one ever told her this. She has been picked on for being fat, and took it because she knew there was a baby in there. She found out it was dead, mourned for it and she figured she would get that taken out when she grew up. Now she is finding out there is no baby, never was, never could be. She is fat because she thought there was.
Worse yet, visibly shaken, she goes back to her classroom. One of the boys (she did not know there was a film for boys too) Touches her and she jumps. "It's okay," he says, "I know. They showed us a film too. About babies."
Now the real truth is out. Larry knew, he was older and had seen the film, he knew, he was lying!
The girl goes home and tells her mother about the film, "Oh," her mother says, "I didn't know how I was going to tell you, with your father dead, I just didn't know what to say."
"You should have told me," April cries, her eyes filling with tears. She runs to her room screaming "You should have told me a long time ago."
Confessions
Later in life Larry shows up infrequently whenever he is in town. He goes to the Navy, goes on leave. Finds a girlfriend, probably marries and has children. He is friends with April's brother. She does not know that the discovery was thought to be a case of "You show me yours, I'll show you mine." playing doctor, they used to call that.
When she is sixteen, her best friend sets her up on a date. April is different, she thinks it is because she goes to church and is still a virgin, she tells the guy to make sure April is no longer a virgin by the time she gets home. Now they call it date rape. Back then they called it her fault, she didn't say no hard enough or fight hard enough. April noticed early on that it was the fighting it that he enjoyed. He complained about that. The fact that she stopped fighting.
When they dropped her off her friend told her it was better getting it out of the way, April asked "What out of the way?"
"Your virginity. It always hurts the first time, you'll like it next time." Was the reply.
"He raped me, " April said, "You like that?"
"No, it's just now you can have fun, like me. Since you're not a virgin anymore."
"I wasn't a virgin before!" April said, and slammed the car door.
Later, when she finally asks how her family can be so nice to Larry after what he did when they were kids and they want to know why she is all upset, the story comes tumbling out.
By this time April has married a man her father would not have approved of. When she gave herself to him she prayed she would get pregnant so he would marry her and she would never have to worry about this virginity business again. All of the good guys want a virgin. Who is going to believe a teenage girl if she tells them she was "never a virgin".
This story is true. I am April.
Are we in the Middle of the Road?
Talk about it, report it, Get Help
- National 1-800 Crisis Hotlines
National Crisis Hotline listing on ALL ABOUT COUNSELING.COM Easy to use discussions, information on counseling and social issues, directory of counseling professionals.
Why am I telling You this?
This Hub is for any hubbers who have been abused.
It has come to my attention that my story might help someone else. If this hub helps one person then the writing of it, the walk down memory lane that I usually make for no one, is worth it. You will notice no ads on this hub. It is not for money.
If you wish to leave an anonymous comment, abuses you've suffered that may help someone else in the telling, or you in confessing, the comments section is here for you. Log out, come back and put in a fictitious name. I will not approve any abuse of me, or you. Only those who have been abused may leave their story, not those who just want to intimidate us for being different.
If you need the coping mechanisms I used to get past all of it, or ways to prevent it happening to someone you love, feel free to e-mail me or ask in the comments section. I will answer those requests. I have no need of sympathy, I have had a good life so far.
If you are hurting, sometimes, it is comforting to know someone else is hurting too. I do not need therapy, I have forgiven "Larry" (not his real name). I have forgiven everyone for not knowing the right questions to ask, or the right information to give a little girl, or when it would be appropriate to tell her, preferably before the abuse happens.
Please fell free to shed your burdens here, anonymously. Just because you know it's me, don't be so bold as to set yourselves in the frying pan and light the fire yourself, as I have.
I have written to the powers that be, HubPages, and they have given their permission.
CommentsLoading...
My mom was gonna name me April,(got a boy instead in April)but she didn't cuz I was born in October.
Ill mail you....when I've composed what I need to say. This must have been hard for you to write, but it does help to get past the pain to think you are helping someone else who needs it. Thank you.
Thank you Justine
I'm glad our chat has lead to this...maybe I'll do one when I feel OK to do it.
I really admire you but you already know that.
I hope the abused Anonymous or known will find some strength and hope with this :)
This hub brought me (literally) to tears. I know there are so many more girls who have never told their story, and never will. You're a strong woman for posting this, and I do believe you will help a lot of people who have experienced abuse.
Thanks Sa Toya, Becca. I hope this will help others. Someone suggested I rustle up some pictures, don't have any. So if anyone has a photo that might break it up as there are no ads, e-mail it to me.
I want to tell you all, you can log out, and come back to post an anonymous comment if you need to unload your story somewhere. Just put "anon" in the name box.
excellent hub...young girls often have to suffer abuse of such kind across all cultures.It has been found out in surveys that majority of such abuse is d work of an insider or a known person.Hence,it becomes all the more dificult to put a stop to it.The best way is to educate ones young near n dear ones so that they do not have to go through such bitter experiences.You have been courageous to come out with it n share with us and also help those in dire need of some encouragement to voice such an abuse.Commendable work! cheers!
Very painful read, but a very worthwhile hub, thank you for having the intestinal fortitude to write this, you are yet another survivor, well done.
Means a lot Earnestshub. I have seen a news event, a little girl who told her mother on the news, and the perp had the audacity to say the little girl asked him to do it. I am glad I wrote this now. I was worried, but seeing the news tonight and the support of you and everyone here has made it okay. This is a safe place for us to say we've been there and it will help.
Brings back memories of the worse kind but now.... living in peace.Interesting hub.Peace and blessings to you.Thanks for being a fan.
Thanks for stopping by, sorry we share that in common. I am also living in peace. I wrote this to help others, We are not alone and it is about time we try to stop it through education.
i just wanted to say that I truly do think your a nice person, and wish nothing but the best for you in life. i'm terribly sorry you had to go through so many hardships in your life.
Thanks Stevennix I know. But it brought me here, where I might make difference someday, God willing.
Thankyou so much for sharing this hub Faybe, you're an amazing writer and person. I'm sure this hub will help many more people or at least just let them know they are not alone. ((HUGS))
Thanks Sophs. ((HUGS)) See you round the forums.
This reached right into my heart and touched my very soul. Wow...powerful story! Two thumbs up for finding your inner strengh and sharing these heart wrenching horror's with us! The message will hopefully help others.
(Big Hugs) Keep writing because I'm reading Faybe. Love ya sister!
All I can find the words to say is Wow-and thanks for posting something so personal. You are an inspirational person to say the least. Abuse isn't as rare as many think- it happens all the time in many ways- to many undeserving people
hc
Thank You. H.C, That's how my friend talked me into doing this. She said it was important. I started to go third person and then I thought, What do I have to hide? I did nothing wrong. That's the side I want out. No more hiding for me.
Thank you so much for finding the strength to share your story...you have truly helped many people.
Thank you. I feel like I am home here, and families share. Good to meet you! :)
Thank you for being so open. I hope many will be helped to heal by your hub.
Thank you. It is my hope that my story helps others. It was one of the hardest things to do, writing it all out, but healing is an ongoing process. I have come to terms, some never do. I hope my openness can change that.
Abuse is going on everywhere. And in some families, it is repeated for generations. This is so sad. You have taken great measures in the healing process.
faybe this really is an awesome hub you did. you are a very lovely woman and i am honored to have met you and become a friend. thank you for sharing your story**HUGS**
Thanks Faybe Bay for a very thoughtful and touching hub,thank you foe]r sharing. od bless you. creativeone59
Fits, Pinky, Creativeone, so glad to have met you and honored by your presence here. I was inspired by a friend, who asked if she should just give up that one thing she was waiting for the right person to give it too. When I told her my story she said I had to do this, it was the right thing to do. She said it would help others, and as long as I live that is my desire, to help others. Luckily for me the abuse was not a family member, but a neighbor. Unfortunately it made me so strict as a mother, my kids could barely breath. They love me though and understand. Thank you all for suffering through this. It is not my favorite topic.
So many similar stories in life. This is not a small problem in society. Thanks for sharing.
No it isn't, it pains me that it isn't an uncommon story. I think it would become less common if we could all tell ours without shame or fear. Silence is not golden, it is full dirt. Men, women, children, abused, minds destroyed, faith betrayed. It is time to come out of the closet.
Faybe Bay
You and I have more in common than you know. I am also a Libra, I procrastinate. More than that, I was abused at the age of nine by an Uncle of a girlfriend and then I was raped by my boss at the age of 17. I have never told this story on hubs, but I guess it is out now.
I have just about revealed everything else about my life, why then you ask, did I not tell this one. I guess it was because I felt embarrassed by the way in which it happened. I was only nine, and this man took advantage of an innocent little girl, while playing with his niece.
In the other case, I was 17, my boss and I worked back late, he drove me home later and then assaulted me. I became pregnant and lost my baby at 19 weeks. I went through hell after that. If you read my hub about my first husband, you will see what I mean. I just went from from one bad situation to the next with him.
Until I finally, 7 years later, after I left my first husband, met and married, my now wonderful husband Richard.
On 10th March, we will be celebrating our 20th Wedding Anniversary, and I still can't believe that we made it this far. So, I guess I have something to be very happy about this month, my 20th Wedding Anniversary, I have a wonderful husband, afterall he has put up with me after all this time.
Well, it's out in the open now I may even write a hub about these experiences and explain how it went, I will have to think about it a bit more. But, thanks for sharing your story you were very brave to do so, it would not have been at all easy for you, I know this only too well from personal experience and I truly admire and respect you for this.
I will be praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts.
Love and God Bless Beautybabe.
I am glad we found each other, Beautybabe. I hope you know I was reading yours and rating you up today. I am glad your story has a happy ever after attached! I think that helps people most of all, seeing us live on and make a life after our personal "disasters". I am also glad you have decided to stick around awhile. As Hokey says, Namaste.
This is heartbreaking.
Thank you, Hummingbird. I guess you see the contrast, why OPJ is so important, to me.
I'm better. There are so many more, going through torment every day. It can't stop if we don't talk about it. I have said it before, and I will say it again:
Silence is not Golden; Silence is where the dirt lives.
That is so true. I am glad you are better.
Take care Hummingbird! Spread the Light!
Wow, wow, wow, and more wow. Thank you for taking that trip back down memory lane and sharing it with us. That's no easy feat. I am happy that you can call all that happened memories now. No one deserves it, and yet so many wonderful people, people like you, go through it. Thank you and thank you again. You have made my own experience easier to talk about. An excellent hub from an excellent person. Wonderful.
Thank you Aeriel_ALN! I have had a rough couple of weeks and was feeling a little low when I got the e-mail that I had a new comment. If wee don't talk about these things then they will lie in the shadows and continue to happen. We have to shed some light on the subject!
No means no, and any time someone does not take no for an answer, or continues to coerce you until you give in because it's better than being physically harmed or killed; or makes you believe you have no choice (employers etc) but to submit and keep quiet, any time one of these acts is committed it is a crime! Keeping quiet about this is allowing criminals to walk the streets and continue to commit crimes against humanity and go unpunished. They have made us feel as though admitting it or talking about it makes us dirty...
The Truth Shall Set Us Free! I believe that wave your banner high and tell the truth and you will be free from the darkness. Share some light!
To think and to pen down the past can be painful and I often suffer headache on confronting something I wanted to forget and let go. I want to Choose to forgive and hand all to the Lord to take the revenge for me. I have try to do it myself by fighting with my own strength and as the result, I was dwelling in a nightmare for 3 years.
Thank Faybe Bay for such a plain write up, I just wonder does the law and justice still stand for cases which happened decades ago....
Absolutely Cassandra Lai. What happened to me was well over 40 years ago. I would not be able to do anything, even if I found him, because he was a minor then. If the person was an adult then yes the law would still stand for the victim. The problem is whether or not there is a reason. For instance, in the case of an adult pedophile, the actions may have continued to affect someone else.
I tend to believe there is a brand of justice that can be meted out indefinitely. When we give it to the Lord, he is honorable and his vengeance is swift. Some people choose not to believe in God, but there is something that they cannot deny, when we give up our hate and rage to the (higher power, universe, karmic forces, Lord) something happens to the person who committed the crime. I don't want to venture a guess as to why or how. I just chalk it up to divine justice.
Try not to relive to many old wounds out here, We all care about you and want you to be happy. So even if it feels silly just moderate these for a while and then shut that part down. (instead of being constantly reminded) Trust me it is healthier.
I know, Brianzen. As healed and as well as I thought I was there's still more. This was just a sort of outline. I never tell the whole thing to anyone, this was hard enough. They call what he did to me "grooming" and he did a very good job of it. I find that after all of these years, I am still affected. I moved past it, but now I find a part of me still there, still crying inside, still waiting for someone to catch him, to punish him, and no one is coming to rescue me. I had to rescue myself, in the end. Thanks, Brianzen, for reading, but the truth is, I have to moderate this, because someday I will really be "all better", and that will make it worth while. I met someone who's whole, that means I can be too.
April, your story touched my heart. I know exactly what you are talking about. I am a survivor of child abuse and would love you to read my story. It's titled "Survivors of Child Abuse" Look forward to hearing your thoughts. Thank you
Hi Tash! I will read your story. I have to go and babysit my Granddaughter, so it will be later today. God Bless You and thank you for coming here to comment on mine, that I might find yours. I am sorry these things happened to us, but I know that our writing about them helps us and others as well. That's what is important, helping each other. Big Hugs! Welcome to Hub Pages!
For future reference to anyone who would like to post links on this page, I have no ads on here for a reason. This is a sensitive and painful subject and not a place for your advertisements for free gifts or otherwise. The only links that belong on this page would be to helpful sites regarding the subject matter involved. Any comments posted for anyones personal gain will be deleted. I have plenty of hubs with ads where links are welcome.
Hi Faybe Bay-
Wish I would have read this Hub the first time I visited you but the anxiety attack Hub caught my eye first. Glad I have had a chance to read it now and Bravo to you for working so hard to get through it and move forward. I wrote a short poem about my own experience called -When I was Only Ten- I don't think I have the courage to write a Hub about it perhaps because I have kept it tucked away for so long I don't ever remember thinking anything was wrong, and to make it worse, I went on to pick men that treated me really bad and I know others often do the same. We manage, move forward the best we can but it is never easy-Thank you for creating a forum for people to anonymously share life.
Thank you Chatkath. I had a hard time with this at first, because the internet can be a difficult place to air our laundry. I was afraid to tell the story, but that is the point. The abused need to know there are safe places and they can speak up. I have come to believe that we could stop abuse if we spoke about it more. What's the worst that could happen, when the worst barring death has already happened to us? I am anxious to read your poem. Putting your experience into words is like reliving the pain over again. Thank you for sharing yours with me. This place is to show that we are not alone. An estimated 1 in 5 people ( male and female) are sexually abused or assaulted before reaching the age of 18.
Great HUB article!!! You are very brave in telling your own story to help others. I really felt honored in reading this article and that you had the courage to read it. Thanks
fiksy02 2 years ago
wow wow wow, i feel honored that you read my hubs. this is good straight from the heart and very touching. thank God you are now happy and can call all that happened memories. good hub April sorry faybe Bay